Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Alejandro meets his family
Over the past three weekends, Alejandro has met a lot of the family that loves him most. Here's a few pictures, the rest can be found on Shutterfly. Password is the baby's initials, as always.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Still life with baby
To answer the most commonly asked question... no, we're not getting much sleep. We're learning to live with less. Alex wakes for about four feedings a night. Mom has begun pumping a bottle so Daddy can do an early morning shift.
He changes so much, we're not really sure which of us he looks like. We're pretty sure his eyes and his hands are Mom's and his head shape and his big feet are from Dad. His skin tone is lighter than Mom, but darker than Dad, although Dad will try to catch up on his tanning this summer and come somewhat close.
Alex has quite a bit of personality already. We're convinced he smiles at us already, even though they say that babies don't really until 6 weeks. He definitely hates having his diaper changed and will pee on you if you aren't quick about it. He doesn't like being in the carseat much, but will fall asleep eventually, looking like an angry little man.
His favorite place to sleep is on Mom's or Dad's chest... we have plenty of options for him to sleep in (co-sleeper, baby hammock, boppy pillow, crib) and it's always a battle to transfer him off our chest to let him lie on his own.
His favorite time of day is the late morning. That is his most consistent "quiet alert" time. He pays very close attention to faces and contrast, so he loves people wearing glasses. He hasn't quite found his voice yet, but his expressions and attempts to make cooing sounds is plenty of response for his parents.
We've resigned ourselves to being Those People... the parents that think THEIR child is exceptionally gifted and exceptionally beautiful. The difference is that we are right, don't you think?
He changes so much, we're not really sure which of us he looks like. We're pretty sure his eyes and his hands are Mom's and his head shape and his big feet are from Dad. His skin tone is lighter than Mom, but darker than Dad, although Dad will try to catch up on his tanning this summer and come somewhat close.
Alex has quite a bit of personality already. We're convinced he smiles at us already, even though they say that babies don't really until 6 weeks. He definitely hates having his diaper changed and will pee on you if you aren't quick about it. He doesn't like being in the carseat much, but will fall asleep eventually, looking like an angry little man.
His favorite place to sleep is on Mom's or Dad's chest... we have plenty of options for him to sleep in (co-sleeper, baby hammock, boppy pillow, crib) and it's always a battle to transfer him off our chest to let him lie on his own.
His favorite time of day is the late morning. That is his most consistent "quiet alert" time. He pays very close attention to faces and contrast, so he loves people wearing glasses. He hasn't quite found his voice yet, but his expressions and attempts to make cooing sounds is plenty of response for his parents.
We've resigned ourselves to being Those People... the parents that think THEIR child is exceptionally gifted and exceptionally beautiful. The difference is that we are right, don't you think?
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Friday, June 13, 2008
Our birth story
Apologies for this post taking so long. Life with a newborn baby and all that...
Rob's commentary is in italics.
Sakinah's commentary is in blue.
I didn’t know it at the time but today was going to be my son’s birthday. At about 2:30 AM, Sakinah was awakened by contractions. They had originally started on Thursday, lasted several hours and then faded away. Just before 3 AM we started timing them.
I'd actually had contractions for two days prior. I was excited for labor to begin; my third trimester had been exhausting and I was ready to be done with pregnancy... but much to my disappointment, the contractions tapered off Thursday afternoon. They started up in the evening again, but I was told by my doula that this pattern of early labor could go on for weeks. When I woke up in the early morning of Friday, March 23rd, I didn't think it would be that long.
We called our friend and doula Fiona as well as the doctor’s office to confirm whether we should go ahead and go into the birthing center. We spoke with Julie, the midwife, and she thought it was a good idea to come in and check things out. It was clear by then that we were in early labor.
The midwife could hear me moaning in the background as Rob spoke to her. I couldn't really talk during the contractions. It took a while for me to shower and get dressed because I had to keep stopping to focus on my breathing. Rob had pulled the Explorer around to the front of the house and was loading it up with our stuff. I absolutely hated that ride to the birthing center. I was holding myself on my hands trying to hover above the seat to avoid feeling the bumps.
By the time we arrived at the birthing center just before 6 AM, the contractions were still regular but they had become very short – lasting only about 30 seconds or so. Short contractions weren’t “productive” so it seemed like this might be a long labor. Julie and Fiona arrived at the birthing center and folks got to checking Sakinah’s progress. She had been stuck at 80% effaced and 1 cm dilated for several weeks now and nothing had changed. At her last exam, we found out that a band of scar tissue from an old therapy was possibly holding things up. We talked with the midwife about the possibility of manually attempting to break the adhesions if they turned out to be problematic. It turned out they would.
Now I have trust in the process, but it is pretty frustrating to be told that the contractions you're feeling aren't getting you anywhere. I really was hoping to forgo the manual attempt at opening the cervix because it sounded pretty uncomfortable.
After continued lack of progress we agreed to attempt this manual manipulation as a means to move things along, which it did. Sakinah went from about 1 cm dilated to almost 4.
Ow... but, yay, progress!
However, after hours of laboring, the contractions had not gotten any more productive and dilation was still barely at 4.
In retrospect, those hours of laboring didn't seem very long, though in the moment, I remember thinking that this was going to take forever. I had started telling anyone who inquired how I was doing that I was going to stab myself in the head. I was so not the picture of natural childbirth in these moments, and it may have had something to do with the fact that I had maybe slept six hours in the past 48. Once Fiona began working with me, I began to calm down a bit and concentrate on relaxing my body and slowing my breathing.
Throughout, Sakinah worked on her hypnobirthing techniques with Fiona’s amazing help. I can’t say enough about what a help and relief it was to have Fiona there. At times, I felt a bit overwhelmed to help Sakinah with working through her contractions. We had both gone through a hypnobirthing class with Jency and I felt comfortable working through the techniques we learned. However, in the moment, it was hard to see Sakinah in discomfort and I didn’t feel I was as effective as I could be. I was incredibly thankful for Fiona’s steady presence – and her grasp of hypnobirthing.
However, with only a few hours rest over the last two days, it was clear that Sakinah was tired. With continued little progress, Julie talked to us about getting Sakinah some rest. She’d need her strength for a long labor and it seemed we were heading that way. We had two options. The first was was to get a prescription and go home. Sakinah could then rest and wait for labor to move along further. The second option was to be admitted. However, with so little progress we would be admitted if we agreed to breaking of the membranes that surround the child. This technique could move things along and help contractions become more productive.
I really didn't want to go back home, but I felt like by choosing to stay and accept medication and breaking my water artificially, I would be failing at natural childbirth. I beat myself up pretty hard over this because I didn't want the medication that I took to affect the baby. Rob felt that we should stay and finally I also agreed to the interventions.
It was a tough decision for us. We had wanted a natural child birth and this was a form of intervention in the process. On the other hand, neither one of us felt comfortable with the idea of driving back a ½ hour to wait for labor to progress. We made the decision to go with the breaking the membranes and in retrospect I’m glad we did based on subsequent events.
Thank goodness we opted to stay, as it gave us the first clue that there might be an issue. There was meconium (baby poop) in the little bit of amniotic fluid that leaked out, which indicated the baby may be under some stress.
No one gave much more thought to it although it was interesting that there was so little fluid released. The thought was that the baby was so low to begin with that he simply dropped a bit further and blocked the path. Sakinah was now officially admitted and she was given Nubain so she could rest through the contractions.
The last thing I remember was telling Rob, "Your kid took a crap inside me." And then I drifted off. Interesting medication as I was fully aware of the contractions, but they were only diminished in that I didn't care as much about them.
And because there was an intervention, the staff wanted the baby to be on a monitor for at least a half hour or so. Now it was time for Sakinah to rest but that was short lived. Suddenly, the baby’s heart rate dropped precipitously from about 140 to 60 and the room filled with a dozen folks who had come charging into the room to investigate. Sakinah was literally asleep as this began. The next few moments were incredibly intense and frightening.
I didn't think I had fallen asleep, but I must have because suddenly an oxygen mask was being placed on my face, a needle was jabbed in my thigh (a med to stop my contractions), and the room was full of light and people. Through the haze of the medication, I was fighting to speak, frantically struggling to comprehend what the hell was going on, although Rob was right in my face trying to calm me down.
Like a finely tuned machine, each nurse performed a very specific task in trying to gauge the issue and stabilize the child. One nurse checked the leads to make sure it wasn’t a technical issue. Alejandro had always been in constant motion in the womb but now his heart rate had completely disappeared from the monitor. Another nurse set up Sakinah with saline to raise her blood pressure. Another nurse came in with a shot to stop the contractions. The doctor ordered another nurse to get the operating room prepped just in case. Sakinah awoke to this commotion and I was standing over her ready to calm her. As she asked what was going on, I tried to tell her everything was fine and that they were just checking the baby. The fact was that I was scared. I was scared for our baby and scared for Sakinah. But at that moment, I could only help by trying to keep Sakinah calm and letting the great staff do their jobs. It seemed like an eternity but everything returned to normal. The monitor was reestablished – this time as an internal monitor – and Alejandro’s heart rate was back to normal and strong.
Once the emergency passed, I was told that the baby's heart rate had made a sudden drop to a dangerously low rate. No one had any idea why this had happened, but they agreed that I would be allowed to resume laboring and they would watch carefully for the baby's response. Through all of this our midwife and now also my obstetrician were trying to convince me that this had NOTHING to do with the medication I was given, although in that moment I was doubtful and scared.
Joy, her son Marques and her boyfriend Anthony arrived and I went out to the parking lot to meet them. I wanted to give let them know what had recently transpired so that they wouldn’t be upset when they came in to see Sakinah. But as I explained what had happened, my voice wavered and cracked a bit.
I was still feeling incredibly guilty about having taken the medication to relax, no matter what anyone told me. After about 20 minutes my contractions returned and I was focused on laboring once more, this time while sitting in a rocking chair. My sister had arrived and was alternately joking with me and holding me and rocking with me while I worked through contractions.
A little while later, we had another scare. This time Sakinah was sitting up in the rocking chair when the baby’s heart rate dropped to 90. Joy and I both saw it at the same time and I quickly hit the call button but the team was already on its way in. This time Alejandro’s heart rate came right back up after Sakinah shifted position but it was clear that he was under distress. It was time to make yet another hard decision.
The midwife and the OB said at this point they felt a cesarean would be the best course of action for the health of the baby, and after discussing it privately with Rob, we agreed. While cesareans have come to be considered a routine procedure, we still recognized it as major abdominal surgery. I was scared of surgery and of what my recovery would be like, but it was clear that continuing to labor would not be beneficial to the baby.
We now had three clear indications that the baby was in distress - that he wasn't tolerating labor. We had talked about the possibility of a C-section due to Sakinah's pubic symphysis problem (premature separation of pelvic bones) which had caused her so much pain and discomfort over the last several months. But we never anticipated Alejandro being in distress. We talked it over and decided it was the best and only course of action at this point.
Since preparations had already been made during the earlier scare, it was only a few minutes before they were ready for me to walk down to the birthing center's operating room. Rob was dressed in green scrubs and since it was the only time we would ever see him in such a gaudy color, I asked my sister to get pictures. Then she suggested that everyone clear the room so Rob and I could have a moment alone, then we headed down to the OR.
Things moved quickly at this point since the staff had begun preparations during Alejandro's first heart rate drop. We were this close to going to the OR when Joy asked everyone to give us a few minutes together. It was a wonderful suggestion and I thank her for thinking of it. At this point, a couple of minutes weren't going to impact anything. We spoke, assuring each other and looking forward to a healthy outcome for baby and mom.
In the operating room, I dealt with my nervousness by asking a lot of pointless questions... I wanted to know between which vertebrae the anesthesiologist was placing the spinal block, into what dural space would the medication be flowing, what combination of medication would I be given, etc. As I rambled on, I thought I noticed him slip pump a little something extra in my line, because I suddenly felt a little more loopy and a lot less inquisitive. I had a fleeting thought that perhaps they would cut me open and find nothing at all. Then I heard a baby's cry and it really hit me that this was my son.
When the baby was born, he was quickly shown to us over the screen that separated us from the action and then he was whisked away to be examined and suctioned by the staff. The staff and I positioned ourselves strategically so Sakinah couldn't see the aggressive suctioning that was necessary because of the meconium. Breathing the stuff in would be harmful and so the staff acted quickly to clear his nose and mouth of any remaining stuff. He checked out fine and we were off to the nursery.
Fiona stayed with Sakinah and I went with the baby - as we had planned. My son was cleaned off and handed to me for the first time. What a moment! I was holding this tiny life that would depend on me and look to me for guidance. He was remarkably serene and we spent what felt like 30-45 minutes just us walking around our room looking each other over.
An hour and fifteen minutes later, I was back in my room, holding my beautiful son. We attempted nursing immediately and his tiny head latched on to my gigantic boob like a champ.
My OB explained to us that they saw I had very little amniotic fluid left when they went in. There was no cushion around the baby as I was contracting, which explained why he was stressed. His heart rate kept dipping because at any time he could have been leaning on his cord. There was no fluid to allow for it to slip out of the way.
It's hard to describe what I felt. I was elated and looking forward to helping my child grow and prosper. I was happy that mommy and baby were healthy. I was excited at what the future held for our family.
In the end, we are more than happy with our birth experience, even if it wasn't the one we had planned for. We had incredible care, from the birth center professionals, my doctor and midwife. We had excellent support from our doula, family members and friends. Pregnancy and birth may be a journey, but we weren't nearly as invested in those experiences as we were in the healthy and safe arrival of our beautiful baby boy.
While it wasn't the birth we had planned and hoped for the important thing was the result. Sakinah was healthy, the baby was healthy and our family was complete.
Lots of birthday pictures can be found here. Please note, there is one OR shot and a few breastfeeding pics, but nothing graphic. The password is a three-letter word for "The Greatest", OR mom's middle name, OR baby's initials. ALL CAPS.
Rob's commentary is in italics.
Sakinah's commentary is in blue.
I didn’t know it at the time but today was going to be my son’s birthday. At about 2:30 AM, Sakinah was awakened by contractions. They had originally started on Thursday, lasted several hours and then faded away. Just before 3 AM we started timing them.
I'd actually had contractions for two days prior. I was excited for labor to begin; my third trimester had been exhausting and I was ready to be done with pregnancy... but much to my disappointment, the contractions tapered off Thursday afternoon. They started up in the evening again, but I was told by my doula that this pattern of early labor could go on for weeks. When I woke up in the early morning of Friday, March 23rd, I didn't think it would be that long.
We called our friend and doula Fiona as well as the doctor’s office to confirm whether we should go ahead and go into the birthing center. We spoke with Julie, the midwife, and she thought it was a good idea to come in and check things out. It was clear by then that we were in early labor.
The midwife could hear me moaning in the background as Rob spoke to her. I couldn't really talk during the contractions. It took a while for me to shower and get dressed because I had to keep stopping to focus on my breathing. Rob had pulled the Explorer around to the front of the house and was loading it up with our stuff. I absolutely hated that ride to the birthing center. I was holding myself on my hands trying to hover above the seat to avoid feeling the bumps.
By the time we arrived at the birthing center just before 6 AM, the contractions were still regular but they had become very short – lasting only about 30 seconds or so. Short contractions weren’t “productive” so it seemed like this might be a long labor. Julie and Fiona arrived at the birthing center and folks got to checking Sakinah’s progress. She had been stuck at 80% effaced and 1 cm dilated for several weeks now and nothing had changed. At her last exam, we found out that a band of scar tissue from an old therapy was possibly holding things up. We talked with the midwife about the possibility of manually attempting to break the adhesions if they turned out to be problematic. It turned out they would.
Now I have trust in the process, but it is pretty frustrating to be told that the contractions you're feeling aren't getting you anywhere. I really was hoping to forgo the manual attempt at opening the cervix because it sounded pretty uncomfortable.
After continued lack of progress we agreed to attempt this manual manipulation as a means to move things along, which it did. Sakinah went from about 1 cm dilated to almost 4.
Ow... but, yay, progress!
However, after hours of laboring, the contractions had not gotten any more productive and dilation was still barely at 4.
In retrospect, those hours of laboring didn't seem very long, though in the moment, I remember thinking that this was going to take forever. I had started telling anyone who inquired how I was doing that I was going to stab myself in the head. I was so not the picture of natural childbirth in these moments, and it may have had something to do with the fact that I had maybe slept six hours in the past 48. Once Fiona began working with me, I began to calm down a bit and concentrate on relaxing my body and slowing my breathing.
Throughout, Sakinah worked on her hypnobirthing techniques with Fiona’s amazing help. I can’t say enough about what a help and relief it was to have Fiona there. At times, I felt a bit overwhelmed to help Sakinah with working through her contractions. We had both gone through a hypnobirthing class with Jency and I felt comfortable working through the techniques we learned. However, in the moment, it was hard to see Sakinah in discomfort and I didn’t feel I was as effective as I could be. I was incredibly thankful for Fiona’s steady presence – and her grasp of hypnobirthing.
However, with only a few hours rest over the last two days, it was clear that Sakinah was tired. With continued little progress, Julie talked to us about getting Sakinah some rest. She’d need her strength for a long labor and it seemed we were heading that way. We had two options. The first was was to get a prescription and go home. Sakinah could then rest and wait for labor to move along further. The second option was to be admitted. However, with so little progress we would be admitted if we agreed to breaking of the membranes that surround the child. This technique could move things along and help contractions become more productive.
I really didn't want to go back home, but I felt like by choosing to stay and accept medication and breaking my water artificially, I would be failing at natural childbirth. I beat myself up pretty hard over this because I didn't want the medication that I took to affect the baby. Rob felt that we should stay and finally I also agreed to the interventions.
It was a tough decision for us. We had wanted a natural child birth and this was a form of intervention in the process. On the other hand, neither one of us felt comfortable with the idea of driving back a ½ hour to wait for labor to progress. We made the decision to go with the breaking the membranes and in retrospect I’m glad we did based on subsequent events.
Thank goodness we opted to stay, as it gave us the first clue that there might be an issue. There was meconium (baby poop) in the little bit of amniotic fluid that leaked out, which indicated the baby may be under some stress.
No one gave much more thought to it although it was interesting that there was so little fluid released. The thought was that the baby was so low to begin with that he simply dropped a bit further and blocked the path. Sakinah was now officially admitted and she was given Nubain so she could rest through the contractions.
The last thing I remember was telling Rob, "Your kid took a crap inside me." And then I drifted off. Interesting medication as I was fully aware of the contractions, but they were only diminished in that I didn't care as much about them.
And because there was an intervention, the staff wanted the baby to be on a monitor for at least a half hour or so. Now it was time for Sakinah to rest but that was short lived. Suddenly, the baby’s heart rate dropped precipitously from about 140 to 60 and the room filled with a dozen folks who had come charging into the room to investigate. Sakinah was literally asleep as this began. The next few moments were incredibly intense and frightening.
I didn't think I had fallen asleep, but I must have because suddenly an oxygen mask was being placed on my face, a needle was jabbed in my thigh (a med to stop my contractions), and the room was full of light and people. Through the haze of the medication, I was fighting to speak, frantically struggling to comprehend what the hell was going on, although Rob was right in my face trying to calm me down.
Like a finely tuned machine, each nurse performed a very specific task in trying to gauge the issue and stabilize the child. One nurse checked the leads to make sure it wasn’t a technical issue. Alejandro had always been in constant motion in the womb but now his heart rate had completely disappeared from the monitor. Another nurse set up Sakinah with saline to raise her blood pressure. Another nurse came in with a shot to stop the contractions. The doctor ordered another nurse to get the operating room prepped just in case. Sakinah awoke to this commotion and I was standing over her ready to calm her. As she asked what was going on, I tried to tell her everything was fine and that they were just checking the baby. The fact was that I was scared. I was scared for our baby and scared for Sakinah. But at that moment, I could only help by trying to keep Sakinah calm and letting the great staff do their jobs. It seemed like an eternity but everything returned to normal. The monitor was reestablished – this time as an internal monitor – and Alejandro’s heart rate was back to normal and strong.
Once the emergency passed, I was told that the baby's heart rate had made a sudden drop to a dangerously low rate. No one had any idea why this had happened, but they agreed that I would be allowed to resume laboring and they would watch carefully for the baby's response. Through all of this our midwife and now also my obstetrician were trying to convince me that this had NOTHING to do with the medication I was given, although in that moment I was doubtful and scared.
Joy, her son Marques and her boyfriend Anthony arrived and I went out to the parking lot to meet them. I wanted to give let them know what had recently transpired so that they wouldn’t be upset when they came in to see Sakinah. But as I explained what had happened, my voice wavered and cracked a bit.
I was still feeling incredibly guilty about having taken the medication to relax, no matter what anyone told me. After about 20 minutes my contractions returned and I was focused on laboring once more, this time while sitting in a rocking chair. My sister had arrived and was alternately joking with me and holding me and rocking with me while I worked through contractions.
A little while later, we had another scare. This time Sakinah was sitting up in the rocking chair when the baby’s heart rate dropped to 90. Joy and I both saw it at the same time and I quickly hit the call button but the team was already on its way in. This time Alejandro’s heart rate came right back up after Sakinah shifted position but it was clear that he was under distress. It was time to make yet another hard decision.
The midwife and the OB said at this point they felt a cesarean would be the best course of action for the health of the baby, and after discussing it privately with Rob, we agreed. While cesareans have come to be considered a routine procedure, we still recognized it as major abdominal surgery. I was scared of surgery and of what my recovery would be like, but it was clear that continuing to labor would not be beneficial to the baby.
We now had three clear indications that the baby was in distress - that he wasn't tolerating labor. We had talked about the possibility of a C-section due to Sakinah's pubic symphysis problem (premature separation of pelvic bones) which had caused her so much pain and discomfort over the last several months. But we never anticipated Alejandro being in distress. We talked it over and decided it was the best and only course of action at this point.
Since preparations had already been made during the earlier scare, it was only a few minutes before they were ready for me to walk down to the birthing center's operating room. Rob was dressed in green scrubs and since it was the only time we would ever see him in such a gaudy color, I asked my sister to get pictures. Then she suggested that everyone clear the room so Rob and I could have a moment alone, then we headed down to the OR.
Things moved quickly at this point since the staff had begun preparations during Alejandro's first heart rate drop. We were this close to going to the OR when Joy asked everyone to give us a few minutes together. It was a wonderful suggestion and I thank her for thinking of it. At this point, a couple of minutes weren't going to impact anything. We spoke, assuring each other and looking forward to a healthy outcome for baby and mom.
In the operating room, I dealt with my nervousness by asking a lot of pointless questions... I wanted to know between which vertebrae the anesthesiologist was placing the spinal block, into what dural space would the medication be flowing, what combination of medication would I be given, etc. As I rambled on, I thought I noticed him slip pump a little something extra in my line, because I suddenly felt a little more loopy and a lot less inquisitive. I had a fleeting thought that perhaps they would cut me open and find nothing at all. Then I heard a baby's cry and it really hit me that this was my son.
When the baby was born, he was quickly shown to us over the screen that separated us from the action and then he was whisked away to be examined and suctioned by the staff. The staff and I positioned ourselves strategically so Sakinah couldn't see the aggressive suctioning that was necessary because of the meconium. Breathing the stuff in would be harmful and so the staff acted quickly to clear his nose and mouth of any remaining stuff. He checked out fine and we were off to the nursery.
Fiona stayed with Sakinah and I went with the baby - as we had planned. My son was cleaned off and handed to me for the first time. What a moment! I was holding this tiny life that would depend on me and look to me for guidance. He was remarkably serene and we spent what felt like 30-45 minutes just us walking around our room looking each other over.
An hour and fifteen minutes later, I was back in my room, holding my beautiful son. We attempted nursing immediately and his tiny head latched on to my gigantic boob like a champ.
My OB explained to us that they saw I had very little amniotic fluid left when they went in. There was no cushion around the baby as I was contracting, which explained why he was stressed. His heart rate kept dipping because at any time he could have been leaning on his cord. There was no fluid to allow for it to slip out of the way.
It's hard to describe what I felt. I was elated and looking forward to helping my child grow and prosper. I was happy that mommy and baby were healthy. I was excited at what the future held for our family.
In the end, we are more than happy with our birth experience, even if it wasn't the one we had planned for. We had incredible care, from the birth center professionals, my doctor and midwife. We had excellent support from our doula, family members and friends. Pregnancy and birth may be a journey, but we weren't nearly as invested in those experiences as we were in the healthy and safe arrival of our beautiful baby boy.
While it wasn't the birth we had planned and hoped for the important thing was the result. Sakinah was healthy, the baby was healthy and our family was complete.
Lots of birthday pictures can be found here. Please note, there is one OR shot and a few breastfeeding pics, but nothing graphic. The password is a three-letter word for "The Greatest", OR mom's middle name, OR baby's initials. ALL CAPS.
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